Zombie Loves Fish

Zombie went fishing. He filled up his pockets with little worms and cocroaches, his little backpack with dynamite, slippers and umbrella to attract fishes once it starts raining. He put on his scarf and shut up the lid.
He turns up and sees the chaps teaching one another the right way to fish. They started teaching him, too. They say:
— Vodka wants to be drunk.

But Zombie cannot drink vodka. Or holy water. To him the world turns violet after those. He's casted his fishing tackle. Chaps say:
— A worm wants to be hooked.

How a living worm can be hooked? The worm dodges. Chaps are asked for some vodka to rinse up the worm. That one calmed down and quietly got on hook with no trouble. Than thrown with the hook to fishes. The fishes watch the worm is somewhat lacking energy. The most curious swim closer to see. They catch the scent and swim away. Fishes have the dry law.

Chaps say:
— Porridge is wanted.

They gave Zombie some porridge, he ate a bit and thrown the rest to fishes. Fishes had it, but still they don't get excited over a drunk worm. He's thrown them some dynamite. Cocroaches woke up: "Is it night already?" - ran managing rustle. Zombie shows them his wrist watch, they calm down.

Fishes are sleeping as well. Zombie shows his watch to them - zero reaction. He shook the chaps pushing them to collect the fishes. Although he did not sleep allday himself. He's sitting with his rod and pecking with his nose. Chaps say:
— Pull!

Zombie looks at his fishing rod waving left and right under water. He reeled in. He pulls, pulls so hard, just above his strenght, than pulled out a little goldfish. He hugged her and then strokes her head. Little Fish says:
— You're an idiot. It's disguisting. When did you look in a mirror last time? Paws off.
Zombie does not have a mirror.

Fish says:
— This is your first wish.
And she put on a dressing mirror to the beach in front of him.

He looked in the mirror and started crying. Fish says:
— Do you want to be handsome? Say 'No' to cocroaches.
So he said and turned a normal chap, not a zombie.

Fish asks:
— Your third wish now or after dinner?
Chaps say:
— Democratic advise is wanted.

Zombie discussed things over with a folk and ordered a candlelight dinner with flowers and a golden ring. So that Fish would not escape.

Zombie loves Fish.

The Elder Angels

The elder angels do not fly,
the elder angels do not sing,
they also are unable to lie,
yet with the truth they do not sting.

You cannot see their halo and light,
sometimes they're not easy to recognize,
But once they get your soul in sight -
both spirit and street are tidy and nice.
You can see them by their common style.

My angel, the cleaner, talks on his mobile:

'About the rhyme I can only say
that, as the poem is translated
it does not want an outstanding stay
or a look of something poorly mended.

They should be rather taken as our own,
as a part of global electro-poetic field -
catching you in each single backbone.
God was using poetry when this world was built.'

Than he turns to me: 'Can I help you, darling?'
There is no way, my angel, there is no need...
I've no wish to discuss the eternal...
and the daily stuff does not worry me
as all around got your warmth and light.

The modern angels are human-like.

Aphorisms

1. * I am tickling the internal surface of your thoughtmaking bodypart by irritating the visual taste buds with letters.
2. * Love means needing someone besides yourself - all forms of perversion included. In friendship they are turned off.
3. * I can cook little coals from potatoes, meat, fish. It would be better to eat pebbles and nails: they do not burn.
4. * Dont go happy with understanding... they can start loving you so, that it would not be possible to show other sides of your nature.
5. * I dont like you. I will paint you rose.
6. * They show meat on the fridge today.
7. * Wish no good to anyone. Good always has a weight. Fish would sink with it, birds would break down; everybody has their nature different from others. Wish no evil to anyone. What if you only had one wish for your entire life - and have presented it to god knows who?
8. * It is hard to respect those you are used to lying to.
9. * Kids choose Haggis. Men are pissing up.
10. * A man to a man is a thief, killer, rapist and psychoanalist.
11. * To get a new idea in - the head must be empty. To keep it inside - rough or sticky. Flat jokes are good - you can have more than normal.
12. * Creative activuty is a chance to pour off your emotion without armwrestling.
13. * He came close as he played with his balls.

Two words about Daniil Andreev

Daniil Andreev has written a note. And hid it in his pillow case. He's been asked not to write, but he did not obey. He's been put into prison so, that he has obeyed, but he still wrote his notes. That way he wrote his novel "Wanderers of Night". He was writing it for ten years and when finished, someone destroyed the manuscript. Probably someone did not like the novel.

After that he learned a better way to hide his notes and wrote many more notes which made up a book called 'The Rose of the world' . That book has been published after he died. The book was found interesting for many people. Especially interesting it is for the philosophers, historians and theologists.

In 'The Rose of the world' there is represented over-historical analyzes of the processes of spiritual growth and development of human societies. That is the analyzes which covers as historical as religious aspects of spiritual existence of mankind. Basically, this book could not be compared to anything, because nobody ever wrote anymore of such books. Philosophers are grasped with ideas stated in the book. Poets are amazed with depth of mystical vision of the world. But generally the book seems incapable and it is silly to speak about just in two words.

The work was published after the author's death and gradually his name became known. Those, who have read through 'The Rose of the World' concern to him with huge respect and put in one number with prophets of an antiquity. Because the word "philosopher" is not enough for Daniil Andreev.

The Gothic Dust

The Gothic-style
dust from remote stars
concentrates into her body:
today loving and warm,
tomorrow goes naughty,
seeking a home,
she opens her vein
to make a bloodrain
dropping back to the Universe.

Speaking in a low voice
he is translating a thought,
trying to hold the plot:
she's sleeping now, and here.
Nothing is more dear
than the grip of this dust.
What's there for her to trust?
Blooming and fresh,
she's dreaming of rotten flesh.
This sprinkling of dust
carries ultimate passion
about destruction and rust.

'Darling, you look like Death..'
he says.
'You really think so?'

(Give her a hug.)
Flattery everyone loves.
She is back to her daily plug.
She is back to her normal routine:
lectures about the rules for dust to spin;
about the charm of old broken things;
about the evolution chain
and it's missing links.

She wants to be missing as well.
Who knows,
what is the right way to spell
the word holding bits of stardust together?
Don't mention love.
Your darling's breath moves a little feather
of your fear.
She is nearly near,
she's just had her poison,
she's sleeping. Don't bother
trying to wake her up -
she is away so far...
Your endless confusion,
your fragile illusion,
the dust of your star.
Your trap.

The Maniac Gobbledee

The was a maniac living in one city. But people did not know he is a maniac and even he did not know that about himself. He only thought he so strongly likes girls so that he'd like to smother. Especially if she got her hair light colour and a mini skirt. Sometimes he walked around the city and wherever he met a girl like that - he went after it for long, could not get fed up admiring. He went sad and gloomy by that and more stronger wanted to hug them. But girls did not like him. I.e., not the fact they did not, simply did not make any note on him: well maniac as a maniac, whats so special?
And there also lived a girl in their city, who loved to go for a walk in the evenings. And she had light hair. Mom tells it: "Don't go for a walk in the evenings so late!"

But she nevertheless does. Mom went upset by that, cried and swore all means. And one time she's even beaten her with her handbag handle. She started beating with entire bag, but later the handle fell apart, so she was needed to beat with the handbag handle down to the end. And bag entirely new was, from Versache or something like that. Or from some different well-known brand. But that did not help anyways. On a contrary the girl offended with her mom and decided to beging even more later to go for a walk in the evenings. Mom because was upset by that, and so the girl was pleased to upset her mom.

But maniac by this time already went entirely lonely, having nobody to cuddle with and decided already to catch some girl and to hug her up to the end with his terrible maniac strenghte. Because he was sad and lonely so much. Once in the evening he left with this solid determination to take a walk and went along the street.

But girl in this evening again argued with her mom and ran away to go for a walk far from her house to some unknown street. And here he saw her and went after her. Girl turned up to another street - and he after her turned up. Girl more quicker went - and he is more quicker. Girl then broke into the park running quickly entirely to hide there from him. But he directly into the park and overtook. And then she yelled. He thought, she will begin to shout "help", because that would be correct to shout and so people normally shout, when maniacs overtake. But girl from the fear confused everything and yelled with terrible voice: "hurray!" And her eyes were such terrible at the case, that he frightened and ran away. He was ashamed for long that he frightened so. Therefore he decided that already time to stopbeing scared and to be as man daring, and not to be afraid of girls. And then it was already daring and strangled girls. And so everybody knew, that they have a maniac in their city.

And the girl told everybody about the right way to shout so, that the maniacs would leave you alone, but nobody listened to her for some reason. And she then understood that it is necessary to always listen to mom, for otherwise no one will listen to you. And now she comes home in time and does not go late for a walk and listens to mom. And mom has bought a new bag for herself.

The Claustrophobic Tale

There was a girl. And her mom was a coward and feared to sleep alone. Therefore when dad left for business trips, mom rang to his friends and asked them to come to have a sleep with her. Because she was such a coward. But dad was angry with her for that and asked her to stop doing like that. Because his friends have their families and they too can be afraid. And so he was feeling confused with his friends because of that. But he could do nothing about her.

So the girl decided to teach mom to break her fear, and to become daring. Because she was hurt seing dad and mom upset with each other, and wished they did not quarrel. And mom also strongly feared cockroaches.

So the girl caught a cockroach and when dad again for his business trip left, she put the cocroach to mom and dad's friend into their bed, when they were sleeping. But the cockroach had a short walk around the bed and left and they did not make any note of him. Next time she decided to put two cockroaches. And thus she made. But they again noted nothing. Then girl caught three cockroaches, two big, and one still very small. And she put them all to mom's bed.

Two big cockroaches had a little walk around and away. But small cockroach understood nothing, but lost himself in daddy's friend hair. And there he found an ear. It was large for him like a white trampolin around a tunnel. And he wondered what is there at the end of the tunnel? And so he broke into a run. He run a little, but there it was dark, nothing visible. So he became terrified and decided to turn back. But it was tight there, even for the small cockroach. So he got entirely frightened thinking there is no way to go and his claustrophobia began from that. And so he began beating himself with the walls hysterically and he could do nothing about himself. And then he decided to gnaw some way to somewhere.

And than daddy's friend woke up. But daddy's friend had a bass. That is the most terrible voice of what men can get. And mom frightened from that voice and she awoke and yelled too, first until she got hoarse. Then she stopped shouting and silently sent dad's friend to his home. And than she got no longer afraid of sleeping alone, but on a contrary, she feared to sleep with dad's friends, as they all had the male voices. And dad became happy with that and did not argue with mom anymore.

Nobody's Story

Once there was nobody walking their way, looking for itself. Then it saw: there is nobody on the road. There was nothing to say about their hands, nothing to say about their feet. It took a look into its own eyes - there was no a shadow of any interest in them.

So it's thinking: "Here I am, such a handsome eagle, full of charm!" - and he found he was male. That meant it was the right time to find a female nobody, to get her charmed, get her to fall in love with him and let her be happy by having found such a nuisance of a treasure.

So he went further along the road. He thought: so far as I've already found nobody in this place; that means they do live here. And "they" means "we".

The road had no way. It lead nowhere, just meandering, taking turns to west or to east at random.

And there were many other ways turning left and right leading nowhere and there were nobodies standing at some of the corners, the most lazy ones. They were standing there as they thought: "What's the point of looking for myself? - let them do it if they want!"

So our main character, the most heroic nobody, comes up to them one by one - or to the same one many times (as there is no difference between them) - asking: "Are you she or he?" - and they stared at him and said: "I am nobody!" - with no anger, with no joy, with no emotion, even.

And so while nobody realised he was a man, there was nothing left for him to do on that road. That is the way nobody ended up; he found he was a man with no interest in nobodies, so he left out of that place looking for girls.

Preface

In summer 2006 I was on an aircraft flying from Moscow to Gatwick. There were three little Russian girls sitting on the seats behind me. They were talking all the way from Russia to England non-stop, there was no way for me to escape from listening to them. They were chatting loud as young curious women would normally do in a long travel.
From their conversation I realised they all were strangers. First of all they detected about their age - all three of them were turned out to be 12 years old. They found they knew all about English culture and history and their English was perfect; yet they did not expect to find any of this to be interesting. What really excited them was the thought of the shops. I wondered to hear each of them had two travel bags full of clothes (for me my rucksack was more than enough).

All of their mothers were out of date and their ancient grannies were just nuisances stuck in the past. But these girls knew everything that modern life demands civilized human beings to know. They talked and talked: about fashions and the best boutiques, about up to the minute brands and classic brands.

Of course there was nothing I could have contributed to their conversation. I have nothing to say when
it comes to such a serious thing as clothes. It was another world which was completely new and unknown, full of beauty and mystery and so exotic... I had no words to describe my feelings - even to myself. It was so different from the world I know. I was overwhelmed and my mind was a jumble of impressions.

When I got home I started writing my *Fairy Stories For Silly Adults*